Haint Party: Prologue

A queer Southern Gothic wedding with a bruise, a trellis, and way too many secrets.

Last time I told you there was a manuscript gathering dust in the attic. This was once its prologue. Now it’s just the first open door.

Welcome to Haint Party. It is messy, queer, a little magical, and definitely fueled by wedding chaos. Think of this as wandering into a house party where the walls are crooked, the guests are loud, and someone’s probably casting a spell in the kitchen.

The weather was fantastic for February. Nothing wrong with February, but it’s not quite Spring. At least the sun let me draw comfort from its warmth on my dark chocolate skin. The jewels on my champagne gown, with pockets, sparkled in the sunlight. I felt like one of the brides that grace the cover of those southern coastal magazines that try to lure you and your money away. Focus. I’m not nervous.

This stretch of beach was ours for the moment. Both tourists and locals had given space and we used all of it. I wish now that I had been more specific about the types of seating our guests brought, but we had asked that they spare us the cost of renting those uncomfortable plastic ones. The wedding ceremony should be quick.

Oh look, Cousin Seamus was prepared. Bless his undying devotion to the Fighting Irish. Who knew they would have tents with curtains and chairs to match his snazzy polo?

Despite that, our other guests had managed a semicircular arrangement around us at my Mother’s trellis of royal purple and green flowers and ribbons. It was the necessary tradition that my Mother would not relent on. She told me she dreamed I would get married on a beach and there was a trellis of purple and green. It was apparently unlucky to do otherwise. She claimed it was one of her premonitions and dug her feet in when I tried for a more neutral tone.

Our officiant, Kathy, was reading _She Walks In Beauty_ by Lord Byron. Again, not my idea, but then something shone in my eye. Mom’s rings, Cheryl’s earrings, and Aunt Mel’s tooth. I was distracted by my guests. Since it was my family that made up most of them, guests were dressed smartly and brightly. The theme unintentionally became a rainbow of colors and shiny jewelry.

My mom held a small electric fan down the cleavage of her deep pink, almost fuchsia, dress. Her bangles clinked and her diamonds sparkled in her ears. These were her big diamonds and it made me smile as I turned back to my Dani. She look concerned, no doubt worried I be mad.

Who could blame her? My wife-to-be was standing before me sporting one helluva black eye. It was a cascading bruise of purple around her right eye and it was not on theme. I smiled and let her see I was worried, not mad or surprised. Yesterday, I had dropped her off with her friends. They were going to have a bachelorette-like party, but Dani was not bruised when we kissed good night.

I looked in Dani’s eyes and caressed her other cheek. I let her know it was okay, but she still mouthed her apologies. I smiled and shook my head as Kathy finished reading the poem and didn’t stop talking. They had decided to pontificate about the contract of marriage. It was probably a bit for attention, but I didn’t mind.

Kathy, also known as Kathy from Human Resources, is my mother’s best friend and an old school drag queen who loves a stage. In heels they hadn’t been able to stand in sand. So, the hot pink knee-high boots were resting against the trellis to my mother’s dismay.

I was surprised how long Kathy spoke, but it gave me time to look from Dani to the motley crew who was responsible or at least complicit in whatever shenanigans gave her the black eye. Looking at them each up and down, I scanned and found further evidence of their night out.

Poor Erin’s naturally curly red hair looked like she had lost a fight with a light socket. Our Ken doll Spencer was wearing a large bandage around his neck, but he tried to hide it with his collar. Zora’s waif-ish frame was also littered with bandages. Only Lizzie looked unharmed but she was wearing a highlighter pink Hawaiian button up and I had never seen her in color before.

Kathy cleared their throat to get my attention. Everyone giggled when I looked around. I had to turn back to Dani, knowing I had been caught…by everyone, but she took my hands. I saw that crooked smile and forgot it all.

Dani was the love of my life, my always and forever. Bruise be damned. Dani naturally found a way to get into trouble, and the chances were double, possibly tripled if she were with her friends. This time would stand out as exceptional.

What you are about to read is Dani’s account of the shenanigans. I was happy to hear her side. On. Our Wedding. Night. But she’s still alive, so I will let her tell her story. But as is customary to any conversation with Dani… I need to give you a little backstory. Trust me, it helps.

First, my name is Rebecca, but Dani started calling me Bex, a clever play on my name and the word codex. “Like the ones you work with,” she had said. I’m a librarian for a private collector and the nickname was early on in the relationship. I think it was on our third date. The one where she picked me up at work wearing the same vest she wore our first date. I was concerned that she was homeless, but I later learned that she thought it must have worked so why not try it again.

Fun Fact: I found Dani online in the early aughts. Companies like OKCupid were just catching their stride and still somewhat taboo. We were total opposites on many of the compatibility quizzes, but we both took a chance and met in a busy nightclub. I stupidly went alone, but my clever girl brought friends who disappeared when things started going well for us.

Dani made me feel like I was the only person in the room. Even as the music beat so loud that we had to find an auditory respite on a sketchy bench outside. Our first kiss was there. We talked, kissed, and held hands until the music stopped inside the club. The rest was history. I was smitten, and she was too.

Fast forward eight years and here we stand. A long time, I know, but we forgot. We had just lived our lives, until Dani lost her adoptive parents last year. They had been there for her the longest. She was raised in the foster system until, at 13 years, Dani was adopted by Everett and Sue Wallace. The couple’s kindness helped her survive a turbulent childhood and I know Dani was grateful for her time with them.

One thing you’ll learn is that Dani is unfailingly kind and loyal, but struggles with letting people in. I was astonished by how well her surrogate family of friends has worked out. You rarely see one of them without the other. I believe Dani’s friends healed some part that was broken.

Erin gets the most credit, she’s been around the longest. She met Dani in high school, and they formed a lonely girls’ co-op. Neither of them dated much in school because Dani was still a closeted queer and Erin was holding out for a sugar daddy. Goodness sakes that girl struggles with men. She dumps anyone who doesn’t keep her in her accustomed lifestyle. Erin is an acquired taste. I’ve learned, but it took years. Dani has more patience with Erin, but they still fight from time to time.

Their last big fight was when Dani refused to participate in a spell that would make Erin’s ass bigger. No one wants Erin to do magic. She’s a terrible witch who can barely do the basic magic tricks without some type of explosion. Erin pitched a fit and swore she would curse Dani, but Dani stood up to her and convinced her that glamour spells wouldn’t make her a nicer person. They laughed it off and when she was able to appeal to Erin.

Like how I snuck that in? Yes, she is a witch. Our story contains conversations and creatures on and about the mythical spectrum. It’s no big deal; we’re diversifying in my family too. Love is real and magic is too.

Where was I? Friends, Erin, then Lizzie. Dear sweet Lizzie is possibly the most hardworking and private person we know. Dani met Lizzie when she was side hustling for a security company. Lizzie had been working as event security to save up for her dream bakery. It was Dani’s second job, but she was mostly there for the women and the free food. That was her promiscuous era.

The pair of them bonded over stories of their wild days and nights. Dani respected Lizzie’s privacy and in turn, Lizzie kept Dani out of trouble. Plus, she encouraged Dani to go back to school. After Lizzie got her bakery, Dani spent most of her study time there and even built the website for Marlowe’s, the name of the bakery. Lizzie is known all over town for her pastries and cheesecake, which happens to be Spencer’s favorite. He stops by there at least twice a week, usually after a long night at the bar.

Spencer is a mischievous silver spoon who doesn’t act like his parents own part of downtown and several properties on the lake. That gets him bonus points in my book. By day and at night, he’s a highly sought after bartender who cannot stay out of trouble. It’s like he’s cursed. His nightly antics make me keep a closer eye on Dani when she’s with him. The pair of them met in undergrad and partied like the world was ending. They almost got kicked out of school for creating a “naughty” party circuit. I’m still not sure what that meant, but at this point I don’t want to know.

Thank goodness for Zora, who became a calming presence in Dani’s life. Zora was Dani’s first non-college roommate. She’s a real estate lawyer who lives and works in a secluded cottage just outside of town. Zora is known for her grace. She is the heart of Dani’s friend group. Always knowing when someone has gone quiet, needs a pep talk, or has made bad decisions. Zora is a little older than us, but the only evidence is her empathy. It’s a fully developed sixth sense.

When Dani’s parents died, Zora was the first person to show up in a big way. No one should have to lose a parent so soon, but to lose both parents at once, was unthinkable. Carbon monoxide poisoning according to the report, but Dani struggled to accept it. Zora kept her grounded while Dani made some very grown-up decisions about how to settle her parents’ affairs.

All Dani’s friends are super supportive. Dani says that having them feels like having a real family. Adding my ever-growing family to the mix helped too. Dani is an amazing auntie. My siblings adore her and my parents have taken her under their wing too. She’s grateful and always available for them. I love Dani so much. I can’t wait to spend my always and forever with her, but maybe I should pause here before lifting the floodgates.

Take it from here, Dani-bear.

That’s the first room. The floorboards creak, the wallpaper doesn’t match, but the story’s alive in here.

Next time, we’ll let Dani take the mic and tell her side of the shenanigans. Until then, consider this your invitation to keep wandering. The doors are unlocked, the lights are on, and the mess is the point.